“That’s not who I am
anymore. ‘Cause there’s no after without before. I see it in a different light.
Now I understand the story of my life. Why you brought me right here where I am
tonight. I see it in a different light.”
Different Light by Big Daddy Weave
I LOVE these lyrics.
Every time I look at my handsome almost-five-month-old son, take a shower with
warm water, or finish a two-mile run, I see it in a different light. I remember
the fear-filled days during pregnancy, heating up water in an electric kettle
for showers, and the weeks directly before and after labor when I just wanted
my body back…and I’m so glad they all happened. Sometimes I feel like I wasted
so many tears, but, wow, what those tears and times taught me. I’m so, so, so
very grateful for what the Lord has done. I certainly will not lie and say that
I can’t imagine my life any other way because I can (having air conditioning,
for example); however, I would not be the person I am today if my life had been any other way.
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| Had to add the growing pics! |
For the past five
months, I’ve been getting myself back together. It took a while to realize that
we have the God-given ability to fit in time for the important things. First
thing for me was to get this body back. Probably not the best of priorities, I
know, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be able to climb our stairs without
feeling like I was going to pass out, and the like. My goal was to be close to
my old self before my big brother came to visit me (and I am fitting in my
pre-preggers pants, in case you’re wondering!). Then, I realized how far I had
strayed in my relationship with my God in, LITERALLY, one of the most
life-changing times I’ve ever experienced. Silly me to not depend on Him during
that one; I’m glad I’ve got that back in order now. Better than it was, anyway.
Now, it’s time to grab back onto the hobbies that I enjoy. I’m writing again,
reading books for fun, and I just started knitting some baby beanies for the
winter trips coming up ahead.
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| With Gammy in May |
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| With Nana and Papi in June |
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| With Aunt Eka in July |
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| With Uncle E in August |
My schedule and daily routines
have drastically changed since pre-baby times. John’s been blessed with an
opportunity to work for another doctor in Ponce (a town about 45 minutes away
from here) in the afternoons, so his office in Hormigueros is only opened on
Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Ironically, our office has been ridiculously
busy since the change! People want what they can only have sometimes, I guess.
What that means for our family though, is that I am without a vehicle every
afternoon and two mornings a week. Every AM that I’m home I do laundry so that
it can hang (hopefully!) before rain comes in the afternoon. I try to sweep
daily and mop every other day since the little man is rolling EVERYWHERE now,
and there is no stopping him! I have finally managed to create a routine that
seems to work in keeping all other parts of the house lived in, but tidy and
clean. During afternoon naps on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I try to work on
insurance paperwork from the morning to not get behind on things like I did
after baby boy’s arrival. My job is to take care of my home, my baby, my
husband, and the office paperwork. It’s a simple life, in that regard. I’ve
committed to always seeing my grandparents on Fridays, and, if she’s up to it,
I try to have the morning reserved to take my Grandma to wherever she needs to
go: farmacia, Econo, the Kentucky
(KFC), etc. Other than Friday, I try to make my trip to their house around
4:00pm (avena time) on days when baby
boy is awake and it’s not raining. I feel guilty sometimes because I’m limited
now in the help that I can give, but I am comforted that I’m still here for
emergencies, and that’s what truly confirmed this move in the first place.
There are days filled
with pity parties. Our toilet seat is broken. There’s been a serious heat wave
for about two weeks. I’m car-less. Nevertheless, the majority of the time, I
see it in a different light. I’m so very glad God offers that light to see
things in. God bless.
