My first international
mission trip was to Mexico. It was a medical mission trip with my dad and a
group from our church. God met me there, and I felt He confirmed I could do
this thing full time. Then, in college, I had the opportunity to teach English
in South Korea. It was a school trip, not a church one, but God used it
mightily in my life nonetheless. A few years ago, I was invited as a chaperone
on a mission trip in Kenya. There, I was able to work with our church’s
students, teach orphaned children of the country, and meet one of our little
girls that my husband and I sponsor through Compassion International. Again,
God came and walked with me. Now, I have lived a very simple life in Puerto
Rico for a little over a year. It’s been validation that I can live with little
or live with much (never quite lived with much by our culture’s standards, but
I know that I have!). God has never left me. He’s never abandoned me, but
still, I find myself wondering where the line lies between seeking to do more
in His name or…just seeking to do more.
I’ve never really been
a quiet person, and, alongside that, I’ve always had an audience. My junior
year of high school I started giving speeches and performing on stages. The
podium followed me to college where it was the focus of my degree. Directly
after college, I taught high school speech and English. There, I had the
classroom filled with seven sets of 25-30 growing minds on any given day. Since
leaving the classroom, I have this. The keyboard. And whoever you are. The few
that read my humble little scribbles. Besides that, the real, in-the-flesh people I daily interact with are: one baby, two
old people, and a husband. I have wonderful friends here and a wonderful
church, but they’re only weekenders because I have no vehicle to use to get me
to any of them Monday-Friday. Looking at my life, it’s like I MUST be in
communication with people at all times! I mean, that’s what I thought I was
supposed to do right? Work with people
and help Christ’s ministry?! That’s my purpose…right?
But, wait. What if it’s
not right or wrong. I may be hardwired to be a people person, an extrovert, a
social butterfly…but I am made in His image, and He’s so much more than that.
He loves fellowship and passion, yes, but He also loves silence. We find Jesus
off by Himself time and time again in Scripture. There are only four small
books that document 33 years, so it’s probably a good guess He stayed low for
some of that time…maybe a lot of that time. I think God is drawing me (though I
wish He’d do it already!) to a simple life with an Audience of One. Himself. I
am a social being, but I must become satisfied with the fellowship I have the
opportunity to be a part of and not feel as though God has taken me from all I
thought He created me to be. Right now, in this time in my life, He created me
to primarily be wife, mom, and granddaughter. That doesn’t mean I am not in His
hands and doing His work; it means I must change my vision of how I pictured
that work to be. You’d think I’d know that consistently by now, but I don’t.
That’s probably why He keeps catching me off my guard. It’s to keep me on my
toes.
I have given my life to God’s
ministry. I have travelled. And I have taught and experienced different
cultures. I will do more of all of
those things in the future as well. This life is not about success or failure; it’s
about purpose. Right now I don’t have to be on a different continent working
with orphans to be doing ministry. I don’t need a classroom to make an impact
on the world. Because, at this moment, God is working on me, and I must learn
to be content with that. Even though my education, my culture, and my mind
question my current choices and lifestyle; I do have a purpose. You do too,
whoever you are. That purpose is Jesus.
