Preguntas Están También

“John the Baptist, who was in prison, heard about all the things the Messiah was doing. So he sent his disciples to ask Jesus, ‘Are you the Messiah we’ve been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?’  

Jesus told them, ‘Go back to John and tell him what you have heard and seen— the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor.’” Matt. 11:2-4

A speaker brought this passage to my attention last January at a student retreat, and ever since it’s been one of my favorites. I had so many questions and struggles at the time. In my Bible, I have a written timeline next to this chapter from November 2011 to February 2012.

“Mrs. June passed away. Libbie Ainsworth, a college student at church, passed away. Extreme pressure to pass an athlete at school. Grandpa in New Jersey had a stroke. Grandparents in Puerto Rico had a car accident. Evaristo, a student at school, committed suicide. John and I have tickets to move to Puerto Rico.” 

And it stops. I was broken. In a rough place. And I had been for months. So, I thought this passage was reassuring because John the Baptist had proclaimed Jesus as the Messiah. He had preached and prophesied his little heart out, but, here, the speaker brought to my attention, he doubted. Jesus hadn’t been the literal king some were hoping Him to be. He wasn’t a politician…He was loved by some and hated by most. This probably wasn’t what John was expecting either. So, Jesus tells him that in times of doubt, look at the evidence. Remember all that I’ve done—miracles.  

John and I have had an interesting several weeks, and an interesting 24 hours. 

So, yesterday at 3:00pm, I was ridiculously excited to pick up our first batch of organic produce from the local coop lady. It has been extremely difficult maintaining the lifestyle of nutrition that we embraced in Dallas. Puerto Ricans love their starches, and they make vegetables and many fruits extremely expensive. We have decided; however, that we have to get back to those eating habits. Period. The only part of the situation that I wasn’t excited about was driving the car because it’d been making weird sounds. I’d been wanting to take it to a mechanic  for about a week. Well, I was supposed to meet at the Church’s Chicken across from the university in Mayaguez. Apparently there are two of those. I waited until 4:15pm (remember, island time), and finally the nice lady called me…and she didn’t see a yellow Ford Escape in the parking lot she was in. Greeeeeat. She had more stops to make, so we agreed to meet at a Walgreens just a little further down the highway. There were absolutely no parking spots empty, so we both saw each other and stopped behind some parked cars to exchange money and food. We thanked each other and each got into our individual vehicles. She drove away. 

My car wouldn’t start. 

Let me tell you something. I’ve had a few breakdowns in the past couple of weeks. If you’re unaware, this typing girl has a 10 week old fetus in her belly, and, blame the hormones if you want to, but I am unconventionally emotional. And anxious. And terrified. About a number of things. Finances (we also just started our own business, by the way), living situation, upcoming trips of people coming to us and us going to them, and the list goes on! So, all of those things flooded my mind in the seconds that I heard that terrible silence after turning the key in the ignition several times. After regaining composure, I called my husband to tell him what happened—using no kind words, mind you. Then, a God-sent middle-aged gentleman asked me if I needed help, and he managed to get two other God-sent men to help push the car into a finally emptied nearby parking spot. Ugh, when I was finally alone, I let go. Let it aaaaall go. I thought about several people I could call to make me feel better and have someone to talk to, but then I worried my phone battery would die, and decided against it. The Lord gave me my bearings back and I managed to get a tow truck to come and make a Pepboys close to our house the destination. 

Meanwhile, John was at the office. He went to the front desk of the hospital to ask if anyone had a break coming up that could they would use to bring him to me. Instead of taking him, one of the MOST WONDERFUL nurses in the world said that he could take her car. She’s only known us a month or so! He arrive, and we spent a while waiting for the tow and then waiting at the Pepboys…only to find out Bumblebee would have to stay overnight. We came back to hospital expecting to call a public car (there aren’t really taxis or other public transportation vehicles here), but the MOST WONDERFUL nurse said she could do one better. She took us to her parents’ home where her other vehicle was, and she told us to keep it overnight until we figured out everything with our Bumblebee. How amazing is God in that story!?

Now, times have been busier than the summer, so this is only one of many neat things the Lord has done for us while we’ve been here. I have not had the time (or energy…lately) to document so many other stories in detail. What I will say is this. I am not John the Baptist. I am not a prophet or a preacher. But there has been an internal struggle inside of me that I believe is similar to the one inside of him as he sat in that prison cell.  

Are we crazy for coming to Puerto Rico?

Now that it’s cooler at night, do I seriously have to take a cold shower?

Do we really have enough savings for this?

Have we lost our minds opening a business?

Is this office ever going to make us profit?

How were we not careful enough to be pregnant right now?

(Even though we are excited!)

A couple of weeks ago, I was in a little bit of a rough place again. No timeline written in my Bible…just down and out. But what I love about Matthew 11 is Jesus’ answer: look at the evidence. And let me tell you, I have no idea how anyone alive has ever seen any portion of the world and not believed. I don’t get how a person can look at the ocean and not be in awe, or how a gardener can watch something grow and not be amazed. I don’t understand how a woman can have life form inside of her and not wonder about a Creator. Ponder. Only to come to the conclusion that there must be One. Only One. And He is God.

So, if you took the time to read this different style today, please know life is not perfect. We have a hefty bill for that car, and we don’t have any answers to any of the questions above. However, it is all right to have questions sometimes. John the Baptist did. And, wow, did Jesus love John the Baptist! Jesus also gave him the journey of a lifetime, and we feel like that’s what we’re on right now. A journey of life lessons filled with humility, and conviction--at the worry we sometimes allow to overload our human brains. 

Gracias Señor por las preguntas.

Gracias Señor por Juan el Bautista.

Gracias, Señor, que todo va a estar bien - sólo vistazo a la evidencia.

There is a lot of evidence.